Looking back in summary of the year from a personal standpoint.
“2020 is the year I thought I would achieve everything I had wanted. Instead, I have appreciated everything I already have.”
While I consider what this year has brought, it has without doubt been one with many highs and lows. As I navigate the uncertainty, I have been brought to recognize my gratitude for who I am from within. In doing so, I have recognized the value of my thoughts, energy, relationships, and deepest hopes and desires.
Without a doubt, I expected this year to take an extremely different course than the way it has unfolded. As a nineteen year old, I have grown into my last year as a teenager. Although this year looked quite a bit different than I could have ever predicted, I have grown so much. In recognition of the hardships faced from a global standing, there is absolutely no way to minimize the hurt it has made in impact across the world. Keeping this in mind, I am utilizing this as an entry to disconnect from the severity of the issue we are continuing to face and work through. Amid these circumstances, I have found a closer connection to myself than ever before.
To best summarize areas which have been most prevalent, I have sub-points to touch on topics of prevalent discussion.
Mental health. Though I have come to be in tune with myself and my internal feelings, this year especially has brought attention to my mental health and awareness as well as management. Through empathy, I feel everything deeply, which can feel self consuming at times. I am concluding this year better aware of who I am, my desires and worth, as well as allowing myself to set boundaries and accept the beauty of imperfection in this world. Initially, this year started off with difficulty in this subject for myself. Fortunately, I overcame obstacles and found myself getting into therapy. Helping minimize the stigma is something I am grateful as part of my generations efforts to bring recognition and resources for all those who may need it. I found a therapist who is best suited to myself personally and have grown immensely, with internal and external results, throughout the course of my appointments. While I am credited with application of the tools I have learned to better navigate my struggles, I have immense gratitude for the benefits and how fortunate I am to receive these privileges. This year alone has near forced me to engage and look within as the world seemingly came to a pause, as we have stayed at home.
Grief. I never could have anticipated events this year, which have indubitably resulted to feelings of grief. This year, my family and I suddenly mourned the passing of my Great-Grandmother, Delphine Rose. It is with immense love and appreciation, I have lived near all of my 19 years of life – thus far, with her in the home. Without a doubt, she has been a mentor and a parental figure in my life. This tragic passing has had a vast impact on my family, though we can all come together to find peace, unity, and faith. While we speak of her, it is with the utmost light and honor toward who she has always been as a person. Fortunately, we were able to gather in remembrance of her beautiful 94 years of life.
Work. The world has faced drastic impacts while continuing to recover and work through the economic and health effects, among many others, due to the pandemic. My industry in particular, the modeling industry, has been no exception. While we as a society are continuing to seek ways to best manage and work around any necessary alteration, this year has been sparse for many. In an ever-changing climate, travel has been of course limited this year. I am appreciative of the relationships I have with people within the industry, as this has led me to meeting some of my closest friends in pursuit of my dreams. Looking back, I can enjoy the shoots and bookings I was able to attend, although it further drives my ambition to accelerate and grow in this industry as the new year is welcomed.
Education. In terms of schooling, I have been able to approach learning with less self inflicted pressure and perfectionism as I better understand my own mental health management for my feelings of anxiety. My first semester began online, as I chose this option as the best fit for my personal work / life schedule, although obstacles were imposed due to COVID-19. I have maintained a 4.0 through the spring, summer, and now fall semester. While I was challenged with classes beyond my usual area of comfort from which I excel, these were overcome with further knowledge and understanding in a positive way. With this completed, I have one more semester to begin 2021 prior to my plans to transfer.
Writing. From education, I am brought to writing. In part with the status of our world, I have had additional time and regained perspective on my future plans. As I have entered college with interest in journalism, this year I connected and joined the Newspaper at my school. Utilizing this outlet has brought me great pleasure, as writing is one of my passions and a path I intend to continue with. While I continue, I was brought to create my website, with ultimate results shown as I grow to improve in my writing. Amid these outcomes, I am happy to have found this community of love, encouragement, and support toward achieving goals.
Worldview. As a nation, this year has drawn intense focus toward the status of our country in reference to subjects which have prior lacked appropriate attention. In response to tragic occurrences in events which have been issues, this year has sparked a deeper discussion on topics of humanity and rights. With that said, here are ways to help contribute toward Black Lives Matter. As for any issues simultaneously occurring, I encourage seeking further knowledge from those appropriate to bring awareness, recognition, insight, and change. I am continuing to further learn and understand how I can be a better ally and improve. In addition, I encourage using resources for Women’s Rights as well as LBGTQ+ rights. While this is brief and limited, I encourage you to seek attention to help advocate for the challenges we face in this world. With that said, click here for additional resources related to COVID-19. Within the country, tensions rose as the 2020 Presidential Election came to the forefront, also the first I was eligible and therefore voted in. Our world needs more love, progress, and growth.
Change. Without much detail, it is safe to say this year has been one of change. This is seen from new birth, loss, and other transformation from the top of this year, by welcoming my niece – Haven, a new puppy – Pearl, moving and renovating bedrooms, among a continuous list. Redirection of focus, realignment of the self, and greater emphasis on the important things within this life. While it can impose difficulty, change is inevitable in a constantly evolving universe. As there is not much else to do but to accept it, I have become more keen to shift my approach as I make effort to turn what it may entail in a positive way.
Family & Friends. I am truly blessed to have the best family and friends by my side that I may ask for. Their everlasting love and support has only become more noticeable throughout the course of this year. With changes in ways of connection and communication, I can always rely on them for encouragement, advice, a shoulder to lean on, among many laughs. In any obstacles, I am only brought to become a better person in my relationships as I apply them to myself as an individual. In continuing, I look forward to what the future has in store for us all.
Dreams & Aspirations. I have regained direction and attention in recognizing what I aspire to achieve in my life. My priorities may have shifted slightly, and not everything has become as it may have once seemed, however I feel this is at the long term greater interest. I look forward to continuing on these efforts from the inside and out, in work, relationships, schooling, with who I am and what I do at large. I have emphasized what I truly want, and look forward to how it all will come to be.
Needless to say, this is a brief summary of some of the most prominent areas targeted as this year has flowed from one area to another. I am imperfect, ever-growing and changing, and I appreciate the ways this will continue to happen as the future becomes the present.
Cheers to 2021. May it be a year of positive health, wellness, family, friends, and dreams becoming a reality. To peace and prosperity…
Mental Health Resources:
24-hour Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline:
Call 911 if you or the person you are helping is in immediate danger.